The lost connections

Four kids giggle and shriek. Four kids play and run about. Four kids bridge the gap of time and find their family connection. As I watch my kids play with their cousins, I feel a sense of joy and happiness. All four kids are fairly close in age and get along so well that no matter how much time has past since they have last seen each other, they act like it never happened. They are always happy to see each other and have a fairly close bond. However, as I watch them play, I can't help but feel a sense of sorrow and loss.

You see, while the cousins my kids are playing with are their cousins "from out of town," they also have cousins that are just across town they have never played with or even met. You see, this set of cousins are forbidden from seeing us let alone having play dates simply because the mother doesn't like me or my husband. (Actually I believe she hates us). Her rules state that if "you are not friends with her, then you are not friends with her family" and are not allowed to see them at all. So despite the fact they live less than 15 minutes from us, the kids have never gotten to play with their cousins.

(Although I will admit it wasn't completely all her fault. My husband and I chose to keep our children away from her and the venom she likes to spew about my husband and I or our family. We chose to protect our children from seeing what unhealthy relationship looks like and getting a warped view of romance from it. Simply put, we chose to keep and protect our children from what we saw was a bad situation and maintain their innocent view of the world as long as possible).

So I feel a sense of sorrow and loss for my kids because they will never know what they have lost or are missing out on. They will never know the laughter they could have shared with their cousins or the crazy adventures they could have gone on. They will never know the strong bond of friendship they could have shared like their fathers' once had. Nor will they ever know the strong family bond that could have been there. And I know that neither will the other kids know what they have lost.

So instead, I watch my kids play with their other cousins and revel in their happiness I see so clearly written on their faces while I quietly mourn their loss they will probably never realize they had.

(After I had written this blog, my kids did finally get to meet and play with one of their cousins. It was as I predicted. They got along so well and played so nicely together. They just simply clicked. It made my heart ache more for them because they still don't know or even understand their loss. Neither side of the kids do and that is just so heartbreakingly sad to me).