To my long lost friend

My friend,

It has been so long since I have seen you and even longer since I have talked you. I find myself thinking about you lately. I must admit I miss you. I miss our long talks and our back and forth banter. Simply put, I miss my friend. I know things have changed over the years and you are no longer "allowed" to talk to me. But I have just been wondering...

How have you been? How are things in your life? How are the kids? How is work going for you? Are you happy? Are you content? I often wonder these things. I hope you are doing well and that life is good for you. I hope the kids doing well and I imagine they are growing like weeds. It has been truly so long since I have seen lil squeakers and I have never met the lil man. I hoped beyond hope that you are happy and content with your life. And in all honesty, I had hoped I was wrong all these years and that things had gotten better for you in your relationship/life.

Yes, I hoped that but the stories I hear tell me differently. They are stories that are new but tell an old tale. Fights and belittlement. Control and suppression. Faked smiles and hidden pain.

I must admit, initially, it angered me that you stayed despite how miserable you clearly were. It was so clear how unhealthy the relationship was. Everyone told you so and even you, yourself, recognized it. Relationships should be built upon trust, respect, honesty and equal say. Yours was all control, yelling, and constant accusations. Her abuse of you was clear for anyone to see. Five minutes in a room with you two and it was clear something was wrong. Ten or more minutes in the room with you two and it was clear exactly what was wrong.

I would listen for hours you talk about how miserable you were and how you wanted to end the relationship. And yet you stayed. Why wouldn't you just follow through with what you said you were going to do? Why wouldn't you end the miserable relationship? I just couldn't understand it. At least not until years later. So I was angry that you just wouldn't "man up" and end it. Then a psychology class I took explained it all. I get it. I understand. I don't agree with it but I get it and I am no longer angry with you.

However, I still feel the relationship is unhealthy for everyone involved and it should end. I saw you not long ago. You were getting food and didn't notice your cousin behind you or me. I saw you stop and look at the video game store with such longing and clear hesitation. Then I watched you slowly walk away. And when you returned with her, you finally noticed us and quickly plastered the fake smile I know to well on your face. And all I could do was shake my head with sadness and watch you walk away.  My friend, I just wished you knew that your happiness should matter and be the thing you seek. If you need help all you have to do is reach out and ask. We all would be there. We would support you through it all.

Mostly, my friend, I just want to say to you is that I miss you. I wish we could sit down and catch up. I wish you and your kids the best.